What We’re Feeling is Actually Grief

Usually when we think of grief, we think of what happens to us after a loved one has died.  First, we experience the shock and denial of learning of the death.  Then we become disoriented, anxious and even angry at the new reality of life without this person.  We sink into dark places, where even the most routine tasks seem overwhelming.  As time passes, we strive to make sense of it all, and reach out for help.  Eventually, we come to accept the reality of our loss and see a new way of life emerge before us.  We move on as a new person.  These are normal stages to grief.

Does that sound familiar?  That’s because we can grieve over many different types of loss, not just the death of a loved one.  The response to the coronavirus has caused so much loss.  We have lost our routines, relationships, closeness and community.  For some the loss is so much greater.  The virus has taken those we love without a chance to say goodbye.  We can’t even visit the sick or the elderly.  We’ve lost our security as jobs disappear, business struggle and as each step into the unknown reveals more questions than answers.  How do we naturally respond to all of this loss?  We grieve.

Sometimes it’s helpful to just call a thing what it is so we can take a good look at it.  The Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle is a helpful way of understanding what we’re feeling right now.  I would say, as of the middle of April, we’re solidly on the downslope.  While there may be some lingering denial, anger and frustration are commonplace and many of us have already slipped into that deep, helpless haze.  The good news is that the slope goes up.  The challenge is getting there.

As Christians, we understand that God is present and active in all things, even in our grief.  It was because of God’s grief over His fallen creation that He sent Jesus to be our salvation!  Jesus grieved over our lack of faith in Jerusalem right before He entered the city where He would die for the sins of the world.  God even filled his Bible with the words of His people crying out to Him in the midst of grief.  So, who should we turn to in the midst of our grief?  God!

Take a look at the blue bar at the bottom of the illustration.  This may give us some clues of how to pray during times of grief.  When we experience denial and anger, we naturally ask God the hard questions.  Why?  Why me?  Why now?  Check out Psalm 22!  When we hit bottom and we just need to know God is still there, we cry out to Him for comfort.  For an example of that, see Psalm 88.  Finally, we make the turn upward and we need guidance.  The God of creation is ready to show us the way.  Psalms 23-25 are beautiful.  Feeling ambitious?  Psalm 119 is all about God’s guidance out of troubled times.  Maybe that’s why it’s so long!

You’re not the only one grieving, so it’s important to pray for others too.  Perhaps you can recognize someone else going through the stages of grief.  Call up that person and check in.  Listen to their concerns.  Before you hang up the phone, pray out loud with the person.  Then, after you hang up the phone, pray again and often.  If you heard denial or anger, ask God to give clarity and peace.  If the person was down, ask for God to uplift and keep the person from dark thoughts.  If you heard the person searching for future direction, ask God to guide their steps.

We’re all touched by this and we’re all grieving.  I’m confident that God will get us through it together.  Let’s not forget to talk to Him about it along the way.